"From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets, the name of the Lord is to be praised." Psalm 113:3

Monday, September 16, 2013

Mean Girls...Part One


I hate to say it, but Mean Girls have now officially invaded our home.

I have two daughters, you see (in case you are a new reader...), and while we have had our run-ins with the occasional "she-was-my-best-friend-and-now-she's-her-best-friend" drama, we have been pretty fortunate to escape the true Mean Girl saga.

Until.

We are now knee-deep in it.  As a matter of fact, we seem to have spent the past two weeks trying to dig ourselves out of it, only to end up deeper in.

And yes, I know it is not truly "we" who are in it, but hear me out...

My oldest is thirteen.  And female.  And a pretty, sweet, sensitive kiddo, if I do say so myself.  And one or two of those traits have recently made her a target (I'm betting on the 13 and female ones, myself.)  And while she is the one personally living through the Mean Girl drama, we are all suffering it along with her.

We are the ones who are picking up the pieces, the ones offering comfort and reassurance, the ones with hugs and words that are meant to help but I'm pretty sure they don't.

And, occasionally, we are the ones who get to witness it.  Because I'm noticing that some of these Mean Girls--they don't care who hears them.  There is no longer that shred of respect that shows that they acknowledge that I am older than they are and a mother and someone who may have something to say about their behavior.  They don't filter their remarks if there is a small child around.

They just don't seem to care.

As the grown-up that I sometimes remember that I am, I listen.  I listen to their talk and their laughter and their cutting remarks, and it is so, so easy for me to understand.  So much easier for me now than it was when I was 13.

Those "jokes" at someone else's expense--to take the target off of their own backs.

The sarcastic teasing--to hide the unhappiness that they have about what they think they are lacking that someone else isn't.

The bragging, the making plans, the "did-you-hear-what-I-dids"--to make sure everyone knows that they are popular, they are wanted, they are special.

Oh, but girls, you are special.  You are amazing.  You are beautiful creations, made in God's own image.

  "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."  Psalm 139:14

Why can't you see that?  Why do you need to cut others down to build yourselves up, instead of drawing on your own strength, and that of your Creator, to realize who you are?

And because of the cutting down and the teasing and the bullying (because that's what it is, really), I find myself night after night with my own daughter,  listening and reassuring and loving and talking and trying to help her remember who she is--not who they tell her she is.

And praying.  Night after night after night.

"Please, God, help her.  Help her to remember who she is, and in Whose image she was made.  Help her not to listen to the voices of the world, but to your voice.  Help the others, those who are searching, those who are hurting, those who don't know yet who they are.  There are so many of these girls, the bullies and the bullied.  Heal them and help them to see that You care."

And as I've watched the Mean Girl dynamics, I'm starting to see that, though it may start at 13, it doesn't end there.

Tune in to Mean Girls, Part Two next week.  I'm thinking it's going to be something like Mean Girls on Facebook and Pinterest and Perfect Mom Blogs...

Anyone else out there facing these situations?  What have you found to help?





15 comments:

  1. Oh so sorry. My kids aren't old enough for this yet, but I know it breaks your heart!

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  2. I'm sorry to hear this. My daughters both dealt with this during their time at school and it's really is part of growing up. Learning how to stay true to yourself regardless of what people around you say or do. I have my 12 yr old doing a 90 day devotional with me that helps her address these issues as a teen girl.

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    1. Nita, what devotional are you working on? I would definitely be interested in looking at it!

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  3. Mean Girls... Thoughts are many and words are few right now. Loved this, Nicole. I'm so sorry for all of this "stuff". Those "Mean" girls... I wish they would listen... and care. I will be looking forward to part 2. Perfect Mom blogs, yep... mean girls in disguise sometimes, aren't they?

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  4. Thank you guys for your comments. It really helps when I put it all out there to know there are people reading who are like-minded. AND that we aren't alone in our struggles.

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  5. As you and I both know, it doesn't end there, does it?? I'm so so sorry she's hurting. I hope that you guys are doing ok. Miss you.

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  6. Hey there, my friend. You and I both know it doesn't end at 13, does it? Praying for you guys as you are going through this. Miss you.

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  7. Here are the devotionals: True Images Devotional: 90 Daily Devotions for Teen Girls by
    Moore, Karen and The Power of a Praying® Teen by Omartian, Stormie

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  8. It is a sad epidemic! And unfortunately those mean girls often become the mean moms. May the Lord speak to our hearts and make us so much more aware of the things that come out of our mouths!!

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  9. Sorry to hear this. We've had many talks about peer pressure over the years and the importance of following God not man (or teenaged girls).

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  10. That is so hard. My daughter experienced this in Kindergarten and the start of 1st grade before we started homeschooling. It wasn't the reason we began homeschooling and I didn't even know about it until she came home. It breaks my heart! She's now with a group of friends whose parents are like-minded with me and it is such a blessing. I do know that it will probably rear its ugly head again as she is only 8.

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  11. It is sad that our kids have to face things like this. My oldest- 14- just doesn't fit in with the other girls her age in our youth group. They aren't necessarily mean, but they are very clique-ish. And someone who is more quiet and a loner just doesn't fit in. :(

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  12. You are a great mama! Keep being there for her. :)

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